Whew baby! Practice What You Preach!

I wrote about wanting and choosing me a bit ago but I was in a situation where I was not doing that. I felt like a hypocrite. I talked all the shit only to be making excuses for things/people that no longer served or honored me or my values. I wasn't given room to express myself and my anxiety was always high. I was treated like an annoyance or a burden but still I stalled my exit.

So I had to call on my guiding beacon for strength. When I'm conflicted on a decision I ask myself one simple question: what would I tell my daughter if she came to me with this situation? I would never want her to have people in her life that silence and/or ignore her. I would be livid if she came to me and said that someone was talking to her rudely or mistreating her because they couldn't regulate their emotions. I would tell her to cut that person off immediately. So I had to follow my own advice.

Love is not enough and barely bare minimum stuff is not enough either. Just because someone else or other people are worse doesn't mean I have to feel grateful and accept what's being given to me. I rather just be free. I feel sad, lonely, foolish, annoyed, relieved, optimistic and worn out. All of it rolled into one big ball of fuckery lol. But it is what it is right? I can't dwell too much on it.

I have so many recipes that have yet to be developed, so many art pieces that need to be created and so many things I want to try. I have a lot to do so I'll focus on that. Maybe this time I'll learn my lesson.

Until next time,

B

Enjoy this picture of me in my bonnet